And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
this boner is exhausting
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
