You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
