I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
