I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
