Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
