was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
