just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So squirting runs in the family.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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