My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
BRING THE BAGELS
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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