exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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