Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
