Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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