Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
