So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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