There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
