I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
