Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
