Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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