Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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