You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
