I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think my moral compass just broke
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
