i may or may not be watching the land before time
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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