The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
