The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
