yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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