i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We had sex on a dog bed..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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