I should be sponsored by Trojan
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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