Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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