turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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