After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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