Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
