I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
