I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Floor bacon is actually really good
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