You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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