Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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