it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
