I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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