This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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