Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
