He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
