i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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