he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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