Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it hurts more in the daytime
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
