my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
