I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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