I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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