I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
