Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
