I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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