Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
