My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
