At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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