I wanna passion pit in your ass
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Let's paint friendship bongs
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
