Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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