My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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