My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Your shirt... Was in my pants
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
