Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
