you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
