Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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