I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize