you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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