I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
