I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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