I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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