he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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