I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i drank out of a bidet.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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