did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
