I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
