My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
