u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
