I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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