Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
