I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
