he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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